Building Character

I read an article yesterday about a survey of approximately 30,000 high school students. This found that 30% had STOLEN something in the past year and 64% had cheated on a test in the past year. And those are the ones willing to admit it! And, most shockingly, over 90% said they were satisfied with their personal character. Seriously? You cheat, and/or steal, and you are satisfied with who you are??? Man, are we in trouble!

And really, I hate to be cynical, but this is not all that shocking to me. I mean, it's not surprising the percentage that admits to stealing and cheating. In fact, I'm sure it's probably higher. What is sad is that they are unrepentant, apparently. This is facinating given the evangelical/conservative Christian bent to our society that emphasizes sin so strongly. I mean, these are obviously immoral acts, but the people committing them don't seem to be worried about their souls. Do they not understand the connection between the two?

Don't get me wrong. Of course there is forgiveness! But what always worried me as a youth minister was how quickly teens - especially when discussing topics such as sex, alcohol, and drugs - were quick to point out that all they had to do was say they were sorry to God and they would be forgiven. I tried to point out the difference between doing something you know is wrong, and doing something wrong without intending to do it. I'm not saying God won't forgive someone who cheats on his wife, knowing he is committing adultery, who asks for forgiveness. I'm not God, and that call is ultimately not mine. But it seems to me that there is a big problem when one goes into something thinking "I know its wrong but God will forgive me."

Isn't that kind of the philosophy that has gotten us into the economic crisis? The higher-ups knew it would crash, that all of this false prosperity couldn't be maintained. But they did nothing about it because it was lining their and their friend's pockets. I may not be able to judge whether its forgivable, but I can definitely judge that its not ethical!

And I suspect that this sense that these teens can do bad things but still be ok people comes from the innovative parenting style that is rampant today, where parents teach their children that they are perfect no matter what, and if someone doesn't think they are perfect (teacher, coach, police officer), then there is something wrong with that person. Their little darling can never possibly be wrong or make a mistake. What will happen when this generation grows up? We're already seeing it with the 'failure to launch' children who live at home indefinitely, and with the parents who call college professors, employers, etc., wanting to know why their kid didn't get an A on the paper or a raise after their performance evaluation. It truly is an incredible phenomena we're witnessing, and I fear, not a good trajectory!

I know first hand how exhausting it is to deal with. First, with the college students and their intervening parents. Some of them just push and push and push until you'll give them anything to shush. And the teens, who don't know how to take responsibility for anything, who believe someone will always rescue them if they fall - teaching them consequences, discipline, it's exhausting! But their moral character is on the line. And thus, as hard as it is, we can't stop trying to help the parents see that they aren't helping, and help the kids to learn that their actions have consequences, and being a good, noble person takes work and perseverance. And that the easy route, though tempting, is not the answer. It's certainly not how Jesus has asked us to live...

I have no doubts that I will make many missteps in the raising of my child/ren, but I pray I will learn from what I have witnessed and try harder to strike a balance between being a supportive parent and helping my child/ren become moral individuals. To me, there is no better gift a parent can given to a child than the gift and example of good, decent character. But that's just me. :)