Happy First Day of Classes UC Davis!

This is my first experience with the quarter system. For those of you who don't know, the UC system is on quarters as opposed to semesters. So, the fall quarter starts the end of September and goes through December, followed by winter quarter from January through March, and finally spring quarter which is April through mid-June. It seems like most colleges start mid-to late-August and are finished by eary- or mid-May. So, this feels very strange. Regardless, I'm so happy to see everyone back and even more excited to see what God has in store for our ministry this year!

Blessings to you all!

The WNBA

An important, though perhaps little known, aspect of my personal formation is football. In some ways, its not incorrect to say that the sport is in my blood. My grandfather was a bit of a football star at Cal and was drafted by the Chicago Bears before WWII. All his sons, including my dad, played football in high school and college. My dad went on to coach it at the high school level. Thus, my earliest memories of my dad are going to watch him coach on a hot afternoon. Even though he retired from coaching when I was still little, as a high school teacher he was obligated to 'chaperone' a certain number of the games each year. So, many Friday nights throughout my childhood were spent as his high school's football games. I mostly liked it because it was fun to be in the cold nighttime air, and I liked to watch the band and the cheerleaders. But as I got older I learned it was a good way for me to connect with my dad - by asking him questions about the game and the players. A ballerina to the core, I didn't have an athletic bone in my body. So, this was a way for me to try to learn about my father and understand him in a different way.

In addition to the Friday night football, all day Sunday the TV in our family room was dedicated whatever football games were on. And sometimes, dad would set up a second TV so that he could watch 2 games simultaneously. And this was non-negotiable. I truly feel as though I grew up with football, and thus it's the sport that I know the best and the one that I have always been the most interested in - even though I went to a college that didn't have a football team.

But my college had a top-ranked dance program and an excellent Women's Studies department! Indeed, it was during college that the WNBA came into existence. I could have cared less about the game of basketball, but the principle of it - women's professional sports, seemed like something I should support, and the fact that Sacramento - my home city - was getting a team made that easier to do. So, in the inaugural season, I went to a game with my sisters - and was hooked. Tickets were cheap and the game itself wasn't great (I don't think the Monarchs lost by less than 20 points in any game that year), but seeing women out there playing made a huge impact on us. We went to several games and spent time learning about the players, reading the sports section of the paper (imagine that!). I've been a dye-hard Monarchs - and WNBA fan - ever since.

I appreciate the athleticism, and the way the women play, and watching them improve over the years. Being disgusted by the nay-sayers and defending their abilities has become second nature. I've watched the Monarchs play in every place that I've lived - in person in Florida and Connecticut - and my enthusiasm has never waivered. When they won the championship in 2005, I could barely breathe. I paced my condo, barely able to watch; texting furiously with my sisters who were at the game (I was in San Diego), not wanting to get my hopes up until that final buzzer sounded. It was amazing!

I married a hockey player and have had to learn the ins and outs of that sport. And yes, he has learned to love the WNBA. My sister married a baseball player, and he has - grudgingly - come to appreciate the WNBA as well and was there when they won the championship. Now that we have a son I am even more grateful that the WNBA exists. Intitially, I supported it because of the expanded opportunities it held for women. Now, I'm so thankful that my son will grow up believeing it is perfectly normal for BOTH men and women to play professional sports. That is just as important a lesson - a reality - as it is for little girls to have aspirations to be anything they want to be when they grow up. It means a lot to me that some of his earliest memories may be of rooting for the women of the WNBA, and I'll be interested to see how that influences him in the future.

For now, the Monarchs are still alive in the playoffs so I say: Gooooooo Monarchs!!!!

The Protect Our Children Act

A few weeks ago, we got a DVR. I have resisted moving away from using VHS tapes to record shows I want to watch because I didn't want to have to pay the monthly fee for the DVR. But after repeated failures of my beloved VCR, I realized the time had come to catch up with technology and get the DVR. I still don't completely understand how to work it. For example, I have it set to record only "new" episodes of shows, and it still records every showing of it. And, in other instances, it won't record the first airing of a show during the daytime, but will record it on the replay at night. I don't get it.

In the past, if I've been home and can catch Oprah, I'll watch it. But I've never gone to the trouble to tape it and watch it later. Now with the DVR, I've set it to record (even though it won't record the 4:00 showing, only the 9:00). Which means, that last night - Tuesday - I was able to watch Monday's episode. And what a show it was. I'm still reeling from it. She is famous for, among other things, exposing the epidemic of child abuse and molestation in this country and trying to bring the pedophiles to justice. But her show yesterday was on the "new" ways pedophiles are using the internet to proliferate their crimes. Apparently, more and more, they are turning to infants and toddlers to perpetrate their crimes - because they can't articulate the abuse. And of course, its not just images of the abuse and rape - its now videos. Oprah interviewed investigators from the Center for Missing and Exploited Children who look at these images and videos all day. They said its absolutely horrific - videos of a giggling, cooing infant sucking on a pacifier turning into screams and crys of pain as they are brutally raped. This is a particular kind of evil - unthinkable, and yet so prevalent.

Yes - so prevalent, and getting worse. A police investigator has created software that tracks the exchange of child pornography. He can not only see what's being exchanged, but can see where its coming from and where its going to. And of course, one image can go out to hundreds of thousands of locations. His point was that there is simply not enough officers and investigators - MONEY - to go out and get these pedophiles, even though they know where they are. And on the flip side of that, they don't have the officers and resources to go in and rescue these children. That is what stays in the pit of my stomach: every image, every video is of an innocent, beautiful, trusting child, who is being tortured and degraded by an evil man in the most horrific ways.

There are "how to" manuals - written and video - to teach men how to perpetrate their crimes. It is disgusting. It shows how low humans can sink - how base, perverse sexuality can ruin our children. See that's the problem with pornography - and the problem I've always had with it - is that the ante always has to be upped (same with drugs). There comes a point where it has to get more and more base, more and more provocative, more and more shocking. And the internet normalizes all of this - it makes this behavior - these CRIMES - seem normal. Everyone's doing it, so it's ok. But it is so not ok.

These children are crying out for help! And there is legislation in the Senate that could provide that help by infusing money into the criminal justice system to go after these perpetrators. But the Senate goes on recess next week. Please send an email to your Senator (for those in CA, here's the website to their contact info: http://www.senate.gov/general/contact_information/senators_cfm.cfm?State=CA). Tell them to pass the "Protect Our Children Act." Oprah has a form letter on her site you can use: http://www.oprah.com/article/oprahshow/20080911_tows_predators.

We have to help these children. And we can if we put our priorities as a country in the right order. Please email your Senators. I pray they will do the right thing so that these children can get the help they need.

9/11/08

It's hard to believe that seven years have passed since 9/11/01. It seems cliche to ask the "where were you" question, but it's soooo hard to avoid. Here's my story: I had just started seminary at Yale. We were only 2 or 3 weeks into the school year. I was miserable. Happy to be in seminary - finally; but very sad to be away from my boyfriend (who is now my husband). Before him, my feeling about dating and men was pretty well summarized in the phrases: "the less I see you the more I like you," and "absence makes the heart grow fonder." But with Chris it was completely different, and being away from him made me turn inside and I ended up feeling very isolated from my new school and classmates. The other reality of all of that was that I wasn't very focused on my school work. Having been in grad. school for 4 years at that point, it felt pretty easy for me to kind of skim the surface - knowing the system so well, I was already becoming complacent enough in my ability to do just enough to get by and not much else.

However, the night before that fateful Tues. morning, I had had a 'come to Jesus' talk with myself and decided I didn't like taking that path with my studies, and I was going to turn over a new leaf the next morning: I was going to get up 'early' (i.e. by 9 am) so that I could catch up on the reading for the day. Let's face it: we were only 2 or 3 weeks in at that point and I was behind on the reading in ALL my classes. My previous studious self would have kicked my current self's lazy behind if we had met each other at that point.

So indeed, on the Tues. morning, my alarm went off at 9, and although I did hit the snooze a bunch of times, I eventually crawled out of bed to start my morning routine. The first thing I always did was turn on the radio (preferring music to the TV) and then I turned on my computer to check my email to see if my beloved had emailed me while I slept. Instead of music on the radio I heard CNN. "What is going on?" I thought. It took a minute, but when I realized what they were saying I immediately flipped on the TV to see the twin towers smoking. Right then my phone rang: my boyfriend, also in disbelief, wanted to make sure I knew what was happening. We watched together, separated by 1500 miles, the chaos - the reporters trying to get information, hearing there was another plane in PA... and then I remember saying, "the tower's leaning! It's leaning!" And then it came crashing down.

I wish I could say watching all of this was horrific. I mean, it was. But we see images like that all the time in movies - and it's not real. It didn't feel real and therefore not as shocking because I was so numbed by the fake. I still don't fully know what to make of that. Maybe that was more about psychological safety nets taking over or something, I don't know.

And then the emails went out - no, classes are not cancelled. Yale never closes. Of course, I never did the reading I had intended to do that morning, and the last place I wanted to be was in class. But I felt powerless to do anything else, so at 11:30 am, I packed my backpack and went to class. Everyone was numb, shocked, scared. The professor taught Christian History (or did he? Did anyone notice?) and I took notes (or did I? I can't remember). I wanted to get back to the TV, to the internet, hungry for news, for information. What was going on? Back in my room, glued to the TV, as 1:30 pm class loomed - more emails that class was still on. So, again, I packed my bag and went to Liturgics. This usually strong and somewhat arrogant prof. was more visibly struggling - it seemed - than my first prof., but on he taught. There were fewer students in that class than the first, some had gone to the Red Cross to offer help, some to the train station to help those who would be wondering about loved ones as they did or didn't return home. But the crazy thing is that the professor taught and we sat in that classroom. Senseless, and uncaring, and completely wrong.

After that was our colloquium down at the Berkeley Center - just for the Episcopal (and Lutheran) Students. The Dean appeared to tell us he had heard from the Associate Dean and her husband who were at Trinity Wall Street that morning - that they had run for their lives, but had made it to Staten Island and were ok. I had no idea they were there. We talked about it a little, and he let us leave. Thankfully, finally someone who seemed to get that sometimes you just need to stop. When I've shared this with people in the past, sometimes they say, "well, you have to keep your routine" or something like that. But really, everyone was traumatized, and no one was focused on learning, and everyone wanted to be where they felt safe. Holding classes was useless and harmful, in my opinion. And that is what I remember about that day.

So that's my 9/11 story. At the time it felt so overwhelming. I didn't know how we as individuals or as a nation would get past it. I knew there would be a war - there would be more suffering. I believe it was in my Old Testament class that someone finally offered something helpful on this topic: the prof. said that this event is to us what the fall of the Temple in Jerusalem was to the Ancient Jews. That was God's House - indestructible, infinite, built to God's specifications and loved and cared for to that extent. It was the center of their lives. And it was destroyed and the people were exiled. Their world and their worldview was destroyed just like that. For some reason, that parallel gave me some perspective and peace. For one thing, it meant that others have experienced this kind of pain, and got through it. And, for another, God was there and is still here, and will ultimately prevail.

I've been to Ground Zero. I didn't want to see it. There's not much to see. To me, it symbolizes regret, mistakes. Something that should not have happened. Something that had people been doing their jobs - following the rules, listening to their instincts, paying attention - it would never have happened. That may sound harsh and maybe unfair, but it's how I feel. The memory of it is fading. It has to fade or else we couldn't go forward. Maybe the wrong things from that time period are enduring: the distrust of Muslims, the desire for vengeance, blind patriotism and misplaced trust in our leadership. Maybe more time needs to pass before we 9/11 can be something more. Before we as humanity can learn the lessons that can make us better because of it. I'm sorry if this sounds pessimistic. But I just don't see that much is different. It's almost like it made us more materialistic, more conservative, more scared, more selfish as a country and a culture.

And now, as a mother, my prayer is that my child will never experience something like this in his lifetime.

Reflections on Current Politics

As a proud feminist, I had been hoping that in 2008 we'd be witnessing and celebrating the first woman President's nomination and subsequent election. That didn't happen. And, I was as shocked as everyone else to learn that we now have a female VP in the mix. This has been a fascinating week, seeing all this unfold. Watching the party and commentators rally around her has been interesting and a little comical, in a dark kind of way. I can't help but note how quickly things change when the shoe is on the other foot - when their candidate is a woman. Enlightenment happened overnight, it seems. Or, at least, it happens when it suits them. For the moment. How long this enlightenment might last remains to be seen.

It interests me that women are being drawn to her because she is a working mom. Likewise, they're repulsed by her because she's a working mom. It's like the debate that has happened for a number of years is now in full view (if it wasn't before): can a mother of 5 hold a job, a position of power, like the Vice President and be a good mother? Should she? Is she a bad mother if she does? Is this a sexist question to ask? Should Barack's 2 small children be a factor (it isn't) in his election bid? Is that sexist?

My thoughts are these: Can she be a mom and a VP? YES! Will she harm her children if she is? YES! Parents in these positions harm their children. They are put under a microscope and scrutinized and this is now their life. Barack's children are in the same boat. It's what the media and the public do, and it can't be helped. But in terms of holding the job and being a mom, the fact that she is a mom does not mean she shouldn't or couldn't do the job - to the same extent that Barack can do the job and be a father. Will sacrifices be made? YES. Will dad have to have a bigger (read: unconventional) role in the child rearing? YES. But it can be done.

The fact is, people still expect mom to be the main (if only) caretaker of children. It still causes major discomfort to think any differently because we want to believe that this is natural/biological. In my experience, that is both true and false. As a mother myself, I know first hand that there is a reality that moms and babies are bound together in a particular way. The whole experience of the pregnancy lies - or should I say, consumes - the mother. And, if she breastfeeds, then the bulk of the childcare of the infant lies on her - and that is a consuming thing as well. Babies eat a lot. All the time. At all hours. And there is a bond that comes from that feeding relationship and the 9 months that led up to it. That is not to belittle or demean a father's role in all of this. I wanted everything to be equal, as did my husband. But there is a bigger burden on mom in these early phases. I didn't want this to be true, but experience tells me it is.

And yet, with a lot of support, a mom can also work. When I came off maternity leave, I brought my baby to work with me for the first year of his life (until he started walking). He went to meetings with me, slept in my office, and had his tummy time on a blanket on the floor while I got work done. I could do this because I had co-workers that were incredibly supportive and helped tremendously. They tolerated his crying when he was fussy, and would take turns entertaining him if I needed to focus on a project. And, they recognized my ability to multitask - to bounce a baby and be part of a meeting. Without that environment, it wouldn't have worked.

Point being: it's possible to do. I would be lying if I said it was easy. It was completely draining and was completely double duty. It's one thing to work and then come home and be mom/wife, and another to work and be mom simultaneously. Very hard and draining. But do-able.

So, that's my view on if she can/should do the job. I do think that having her on this ticket (at this point in history) is progress. Maybe it will put a few more cracks in that glass ceiling. I also hope that it is progress to be able to say I don't support her or that ticket because I completely disagree with everything they represent and their ideologies. Shockingly, I feel like I'm in a position to applaud the progress of the situation, and still have the freedom to weigh their candidacy without consideration to gender, or age for that matter. I identify with her position being wife/mother/career person, but that alone will not earn my support of their politics.

There's still a ways to go until the election. It will be interesting to watch this all continue to unfold...

Praying for the Gulf Coast

A year ago, I was part of a team that took a group of youth from the parish I was serving - St. Andrew's - to Bay St. Louis, MS, to help with the recovery from Hurricane Katrina. Even though it had been 2 years since Katrina, it still seemed like the hurricane had just happened. We stayed in quonset huts, showered in a bathroom trailer, had meals prepared in a catering trailer, and worshiped God in another quonset hut. Buildings - permanent ones - were still few and far between. This was life on the Gulf Coast. But the people were so nice, and so grateful to see this scraggly group of teens with hammers ready to help. I will never forget the woman who stopped us in Wal Mart (we were getting Gatoraide) asking who we were working for. She said she had been leaving messages with a different organization asking for help, and never heard back. She had been leaving in a trailer next to her home, and was clearly tired and frustrated. I wanted to tell her we'd come help her too, but we couldn't - we already had someone who was counting on us to come and help. It was an awful feeling.

But now, watching that area go through it again is excurciating. I pray that all the people there are safe and that damage will be minimal. And, I pray that recovery will happen much faster this time around.